I believe that I have admitted in a past post that I love the trashy "reality" shows. If not and for those of you new to the blog, now you know. I get that they are mostly not real and the negative affect they have on me, but it is a guilty pleasure of mine that I enjoy the mindlessness of it all. In any case, from time to time I do get a little nugget of something out of them. Usually it is, "I DO NOT want to be like that". Ha ha. However, today I got something much more worth while. I was watching a new show called "LA Shrinks". One of the "shrinks" was talking about her battle with depression she had in earlier years. She said that she was told she had this mental health problem then repeatedly told all the things she could not do because of this "disease". Isn't that sad. Imagine that, someone so depressed, feeling so alone, and being given this label that now puts her in a confining box making her feel more alone, then her depression worsened because she is now being told of many of life's joys that she will never attain, including motherhood.
This has really been on my mind today...all day. In my depression I did not, fortunately, experience this. I can, however, see how devastating it would have been if this was the approach those "helping" me had taken. She went on to say how she lived in a medicated fog that made her suicidal and she stated how she missed 20 years of her live. This I can really relate to. I felt this way, but didn't know how bad it was when I was in it. It is when I look back now and see how much life was a series of motions; motions of what I thought I should do, motions of life in general, and motions to please everyone around me. I was not living my life. I was drowning in a medication fog. I had sleeping problems and would stay up late at night, get yelled at by my dad, I would obsessively clean my room, and then sleep the day away the next day, waking up feeling pissed and hung over. People don't often talk about the "hangover" feeling. I mean the depression hangover and the alcohol hangover. They are very similar. You feel like crap all over, you have no motivation, your tired, your head hurts (really every molecule in your body hurts), and that wicked depression is eating at every ounce of your being. You regret and hate every bit of every decision you made and curse yourself for being so stupid.
Anyways, I digress. So, this was on my mind. I get to work and in my downtime I pick up a magazine, Spirituality & Health, and read it. I come across an article called, "Finding Beauty in a Blue Mood". In it Jennifer Haupt says, "I've come to accept the restless emptiness and nagging sadness as signals from my soul instead of merely the symptoms of an illness to be excised." Man, that makes me think of exactly how I try to see what is going on in me. To me they are signals of a need to give and receive more love... to myself! Jennifer goes on to talk about channeling her depression into a "powerful tool for creativity." She later says something I found interesting, "Decades of research have found that introversion, emotional sensitivity, and vulnerability to negativity-seeing the glass as half empty-are all common personality traits of highly creative people. They are also common symptoms of depression.." Wow, profound idea. I can relate.
Occasionally I get in a spot and draw. I do my best drawing when I am depressed. Yes, after all these years is it something that I still battle...everyday. Singing is another powerful tool for me. How many of us can see this correlation?
Depression is not a "disease" of things that we can't do. It is a tool used to find ourselves differently than others, to be creative, to find the love we need within ourselves, it is a way to feel things deeply, it is a different way to experience the world, and "a path to wisdom."
Lastly, I was reading in my book, "Daily Om" and came across some beautiful words I want to share. The entry is labeled "Heights Of Awareness Highly Sensitive People" Some people are born into the world with their ears and eyes open to the strong energy pulsating all around them. They experience everyday sensory input in a uniquely heightened way that can cause both pleasure and pain. In an environment overflowing with subtleties of thought, chemicals, noise, light, scent, and both positive and negative energy, these highly sensitive people do not have the ability to filter the emotions, substances, and sensations they take in. They can be easily overwhelmed in crowds and may require quiet time alone to regroup their feelings. But highly sensitive people are far from being weak. On the contrary, they are strong, perceptive, intuitive, and exceptionally artistic people who have a wonderful gift of insight to offer.
Highly sensitive people feel emotions deeply and, as they tend to be empathic find themselves affected by the emotions of others, even the emotions of actors or characters in books. Because of this, they are perceptive of the needs, joys, and pains of others and they cannot simply shake off their feelings. They are as hurt by an insult to another as they would be by an insult to themselves, and try to avoid most conflict. When faced with negative emotions or situations, it can be easy for highly sensitive people to suffer from depression or anxiety. Their unique mode of perception allows them to develop a strong appreciation for nature, music, art, and literature. Many talented artists are sensitive and most sensitive people are artistic in some way.
This sensitivity exerts itself physically as well, which can cause the nervous system to become overloaded when faced with bright lights, loud noises, strong tastes, or erratic environments. Highly sensitive people may be allergic to a number of foods, fabrics, and chemicals. They may also be so touch-sensitive that coarser cloths like denim bruise their skin. Thus, they fare best in peaceful, harmonious settings that offer strong support and may find they build their strongest bonds with other highly sensitive people who understand their needs. To minimize stress, it can be beneficial to create a daily routine, seek out calming activities, avoid jarring noise and lighting, meditate, and use relaxing essential oils.
Though some highly sensitive people develop animosity toward their way of experiencing the world, it should be understood that it is not a curse, but a path to wisdom. Denying your sensitivity can lead to unhappiness but exploring its benefits can lead to positive change in yourself and others, particularly when you choose to seek out the world's beauty and demonstrate to others the heights it can reach.
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